Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Weird Wednesday: Mall Madness

Even as a child I couldn't stand the 3 Stooges.  As far back as I can remember "stupid" has pissed me off.  It's not funny ... it's stupid.  Don't even get me started on the Jackass Movies.

I was raised to respect my elders.  For the most part it's something I do almost instinctively, and I don't begrudge it a bit.  Unless the "stupid" thing overrides it.  When it comes to stupid, all bets are off. 

I was driving in a parking lot at a mall in southern California.  Even while in my early twenties I was a careful driver, so I was racing along at maybe 15 mph.  On the sidewalk in front of the store there stood a little old lady.  I kept my eye on her for a bit, deciding whether or not she was coming into the roadway.  She watched me as well, and she had plenty of time to cross the road 4 times before I got there ... even at the speed old ladies move, but she didn't offer to make a move so I figured she was waiting on someone.

When I finally creep up to where she is, she jumps off the curb RIGHT in front of my bumper and I have to stand on the brakes to keep from hitting her.  WTF!!!  Was she trying to commit suicide?  I about had a coronary.  I was not happy (read I was PISSED) but hey, it's an old lady so you have to let it slide right?  I find a place to park and walk up to the store ... where the old bat is back up on the sidewalk.  Like she's waiting for someone again. Still I keep my cool, as I was taught and continue on my way.

"Miss! Oh Miss!"

Was she talking to me? 
Calling me over? 
She WAS! 
And she started chewing my butt.

"I noticed you have out of state plates.  I don't know how you do it in Michigan, but in California we BRAKE for pedestrians."

Now I'll take a butt munching if I've earned it, but when YOU screw up and then think your going to harangue me for it, not so much.

(Remember she's old, you must not yell at her, you must not ...)
In the calmest voice I could muster I said

"Bitch, in Michigan we're not stupid enough to jump out in front of a moving vehicle."



  1. Ha ha love it!
    Hope you win the prize :)

  2. Much as I would like to respect all my elders, I have a feeling they do courses for them on how to be annoying.

    Good luck, hope you win :)
    The enigmatic, masked blogger

  3. As much as I agree with the importance of respecting one's elders, I, also, believe that you are never too old to learn something (new)from the young. And, you sure schooled that old lady. Awesome! And, I, too, share your sentiments about the 3 Stooges.

  4. Hahaha...I wasn't expecting that ending!

    hope you win the giveaway!

  5. *snort* I am like you on humor--I don't like anything mean.

    And that lady had a reaming coming to her. Though living in Michigan after Oregon, I think MOSTLY in Michigan, Michigan drivers are darned inconsiderate of pedestrians (hell, drivers here don't even know to stop for pedestrians at crosswalk--a LAW in every other state--I walk everywhere, so I'm real clear on that)--however, it sounded like you were totally in the right there.

  6. My oh my. The number of times I have encountered 'old rage pensioners'. Can I ever relate to this. Do not get me started on what happens to me if I go anywhere near the 'reduced price' section in my local supermarket and the old 'dears' are there first. It aint worth the risk.
    I feel for you, Sally.
    Kind wishes, Gary :-)

  7. ha! funny story! you're definitely in the running for the prize!!

    ((i know what you mean about the STOOOPID movies...i can't sit and watch some of them either...))

  8. I spewed red wine on my monitor and keyboard. I hope your happy!

  9. Thanks everybody, and a warm welcome to my new visitors.

    @Hart - I won't argue with that point. I had a couple of close calls early on (on both sides of the steering wheel) so I've been over cautious about pedestrians from a very young age.

    @ Life 101 - My work here is complete ;)

  10. Kewl story, bra! waiting for updates from you

  11. Sally you are awesome.. Everytime I come to your blog I have to go back to see who's blog I am on.. truly functional chaos.. lol
    but anyways I agree I never like the stooges but I do like all the stupid humor we see today in film from our new and improved comedians such as Seth rogen and Adam sadler.

  12. rofl thats great. funny thing to say without trying to yell it lol

  13. LOL! That is hilarious! She was probably doing that to people all day.

  14. too funny! I was in a grocery store parking lot and some "old" guy did the same thing to me,
    except he had a six pack of coke and threatened to beat me senseless with it.

  15. She probably has a bank account stuffed to the gills from the last pitiful driver whose brakes failed when she frogged in front of them.

    Good on ya, mate. She had it coming to her.

  16. Hahaha. Hilarious. Respect begets respect I think. No one should have to deal with self-righteous individuals, even if they are old ladies.

    Thanks for joining my contest!

  17. Great entry and great rebuttal to Granny-pants. I wish my mouth worked that fast. It's only after I am doing something else three days later that the perfect comeback hits me.
    I'm here from Rabbit's blog. I like this place. ;) - G
    PS. I've always hated the Three Stooges and Jackass too. I just don't get what's so funny about being impaled by thumbtacks or wrapped up naked in duct tape.

  18. Ha ha, my dad had an old woman do that during his driving test. He thought he'd failed because he nearly hit her. Did the rest of the test and got told he'd passed. The examiner said t's not his fault if people want to jump out in front of cars.