Weird Wednesday: Mall Madness

Even as a child I couldn't stand the 3 Stooges.  As far back as I can remember "stupid" has pissed me off.  It's not funny ... it's stupid.  Don't even get me started on the Jackass Movies.

I was raised to respect my elders.  For the most part it's something I do almost instinctively, and I don't begrudge it a bit.  Unless the "stupid" thing overrides it.  When it comes to stupid, all bets are off. 

I was driving in a parking lot at a mall in southern California.  Even while in my early twenties I was a careful driver, so I was racing along at maybe 15 mph.  On the sidewalk in front of the store there stood a little old lady.  I kept my eye on her for a bit, deciding whether or not she was coming into the roadway.  She watched me as well, and she had plenty of time to cross the road 4 times before I got there ... even at the speed old ladies move, but she didn't offer to make a move so I figured she was waiting on someone.

                                                            
When I finally creep up to where she is, she jumps off the curb RIGHT in front of my bumper and I have to stand on the brakes to keep from hitting her.  WTF!!!  Was she trying to commit suicide?  I about had a coronary.  I was not happy (read I was PISSED) but hey, it's an old lady so you have to let it slide right?  I find a place to park and walk up to the store ... where the old bat is back up on the sidewalk.  Like she's waiting for someone again. Still I keep my cool, as I was taught and continue on my way.

"Miss! Oh Miss!"

Was she talking to me? 
Calling me over? 
Really??
She WAS! 
And she started chewing my butt.



"I noticed you have out of state plates.  I don't know how you do it in Michigan, but in California we BRAKE for pedestrians."



Now I'll take a butt munching if I've earned it, but when YOU screw up and then think your going to harangue me for it, not so much.

(Remember she's old, you must not yell at her, you must not ...)
In the calmest voice I could muster I said

"Bitch, in Michigan we're not stupid enough to jump out in front of a moving vehicle."


 

"This post is an entry for Fickle Cattle's Very First Fabulously Fantastic Giveaway!"